break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
