how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
3pm strippers are depressing
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
