last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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