no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
