well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
