Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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