is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
