no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
