Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
