Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
