it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
