I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
