Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
