I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
