There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
