hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
