was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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