and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
