So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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