youre lurking in front of me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
