Me. At least after what I've been through.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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