Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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