How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
