I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
