theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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