I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
