so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i may or may not be watching the land before time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
