he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
