Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
