just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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