apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
