I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
