I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
