Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
