I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
