I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
