Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
