he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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