I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
