omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize