Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
