I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had to cum in my sink.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
