We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
