so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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