look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
