My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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