its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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