why didn't you poke me back
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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