am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
