how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
