rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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