we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
