why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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