So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
